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News Thursday, Aug 6 2015

MEMO: It's Opening Day And The Donald Is Already Batting A Thousand

Aug 06, 2015

TO:                 Interested Parties
FROM:           Jessica Mackler, President, American Bridge 21st Century
RE:                 It’s Opening Day And The Donald Is Already Batting A Thousand
DATE:            August 6, 2015

Tonight is opening day for the GOP’s Cleveland Clowns, and all-star slugger Donald “Classy” Trump — hot out of spring training, already batting a thousand — is sure to bring his A-game. His greatest strength? It doesn’t matter how many errors he commits tonight — they only make him stronger.

Despite Trump’s absence at Monday’s forum, his YOOOGE presence was felt: Rotating through the batting order, each and every candidate did their best to channel the Donald’s far right extremism, from immigration to defunding Planned Parenthood and bashing earned benefits. Demonstrating how laughably out-of-touch they are with Americans, the candidates made just three mentions of the middle class, four mentions of women, and a grand total of zero mentions of climate change.

Tonight, you can expect more of the same — and worse — especially when the GOP’s big slugger, “Classy” Trump, comes up to bat.

Watch American Bridge’s new video on the Cleveland Clowns scouting report:

  1. Can Jeb Bush continue his far right “Classy” Trump-esque hot-streak?
    Jeb Bush showed his true far-right colors and breathtaking potential to alienate yesterday when he callously diminished the well-being of American women, questioning whether “we need half a billion dollars for women’s health issues.” Will he further expose just how far to the right and out of touch he really is, and continue to put his “Classy” Trump-like extremism on display?
  2. Consensus preseason MVP and front-runner Donald “Classy” Trump just wants to get into the issues.With the focus on him, how can anyone else have a chance to make waves?
    The spotlight will be on the unassailable front-runner tonight, and he just wants to talk issues. With that in mind, does anyone else have even the slightest chance at getting some attention without going after Trump and looking petty? And let’s be real: If they make that mistake, there’s no chance they beat “Classy” at his own game.
  3. With his conflicting messages to big donor and average voters, which Scott “Worldly” Walker will show up to play tonight?
    “Worldly” Scott Walker sure does know how to play to the crowd, dexterously switching up his game plan for both donors and voters. Which set of talking points will he bring tonight? It doesn’t matter: He’s sure to strike out either way.
  4. Who will take a swing at “Classy” Trump and miss horribly?
    The Cleveland Clowns have two renowned hotheads in Chris Christieand John Kasich. Someone’s sure to go after Trump tonight and miss, then lose their cool and join Rick Perry and Lindsey Graham in AAA ball. So which tough guy will step up to the plate?
  5. If Monday night’s forum is any indication, we’re in for an outrageous show sure to convince any tuned-in Independent voters that the extreme and out of touch GOP Clowns are simply not for them.
    Monday’s forum was just spring training, but rookies and seasoned players alike were hitting bombs to right field, each trying to out-do each other’s far-right positions on immigrationwomen’s health, and earned benefits. Make sure to tune in, folks — we’re in for one heck of a ballgame.

Published: Aug 6, 2015

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